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The Ed Show

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Bloodworth 17, Peters 9, Boston 8, David Peters 7, Delshaun Bloodworth 7, Us 6, Suffolk 5, Nashua 3, Nick Bubanas 3, Ryan Mcnee 3, Mcnee 3, Nick 2, Humira 2, Motorola 2, Casey Anthony 2, Lifestyle 1, Massachusetts 1, Lingo 1, Delshaun 1, Nicholas 1,
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  MSNBC    The Ed Show    News/Business.  (2011) New.  

    July 4, 2011
    10:00 - 11:00pm EDT  

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due to mature subject matter, viewer discretion is advised. an inmate takes his fights of the streets to jail. >> you did not start this fight, but you did finish it. >> two brothers turn to crime to support their habits. >> you hit somebody with it really hard, and then you take what is in their pockets. >> i am like jekle and hyde,
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when i'm using and not using. >> now one faces the prospect of hitting the streets again. since this is a battleground in the american revolution, boston, massachusetts, has become known of the city of neighborhoods with deep-rooted loyalties running through it's diverse communities. but when certain bostonians take too much pride, they can end up in the sacounty jail.
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>> neighborhood street gangs, and they are all comprised of a couple blocks, sometimes a project, and sometimes in an entire neighborhood certainly. in almost every case, every group has some sort of serious feud with at least four to five other groups within the city of boston. >> over the past ten years, the structure of those gangs has changed, and that's had a serious impact on the jail. >> such as it was, it was a bit of a code about what you did and what you didn't do. and that seems to have gone by the waste side. what that translates into is some of the wild west mentality, and sort of shooting of any slight real or imagined. >> gang members shoot each other.
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22-year-old del sean says she has spent the last 22 years as one of the street gangs. >> when i was older, i liked that lifestyle. it was easier. it's easier than just showing up to work every day, you know what i mean? seeing the same people, even though you don't like them, mad at them and don't want to see them ever again, you have to come back to work and still handling your job and all this other stuff. >> bloodworth is currently housed in one of the jails here. the 700 inmates here are being
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held awaiting trial for the settlement of their charges. if they are convicted and given a sentence of 2 1/2 years or less, they could wind up miles away in the other facility. >> i go back to court, and this case is unbeatable. i will probably just plead out, because i have seen a lot of my friends get burned in trials. you know what i mean? i don't think i will take that, and i will give them a deal and if they take it, their win. >> if they offer to plead guilty, he could face a sentence of 2 1/2 years. the good news is that as he weighs that decision, he currently shares his cell with a childhood friend, david peters. >> i don't remember a time when i don't know him. probably met each other when we
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were, like, 3. >> me and him, we took some soap, and [ bleep ], [ bleep ], and -- >> can't have cards, no radio, nothing. we call them sominos, because they're a mix of domino's and soap. >> it was good to see him. under these circumstances, we're both incarcerated. >> you get addicted to the lifestyle, to the streets, the whole long night's fast life, money, cars, fast women, and everything that comes along with
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it, and you just get a rush from that after a while. >> got something right here on my ribs. you have to learn the rules of the game, and you have to learn to play them better than anybody else. i took it from einstein, but applied it to the streets. >> he is awaiting trial or a possible plea deal. he's facing six charges, including possession of a firearm, assault and battery on a police officer and resisting arrest. because of prior convictions, peters could face up to 15 years in prison if found guilty. >> when i was a kid, you couldn't tell me that. i was not going to the nba. i thought that's where i was going to end up, but hoop dreams is over. they trying to take the rest of my time from me.
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i might not be there for my son. it's an eye-opener. it makes you wake up. especially in here you have a lot of time to think about it. >> you have time to think about what you have done in your past, and know this can stress you out. you know what i mean? you're sitting here one day and all night, and one our of rec, and that one hour of rec, you have to move something, you know. they know what they're doing. you know, i always been a rebel? you try and teach me a lesson, i smack you in the face. a teacher tell me to sit down, and i say to shut the [ bleep ] up, you know what i mean? >> he doesn't bite his tongue for nobody. always ready to fight.
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got a heart of a lion, not going to back down to nothing. he's all about loyalty. he's going all of his way to make sure you're all right. >> you touch me in here and push me on the streets. let's get it. >> in fact, it was that attitude that landed bloodworth and peters here together in the segregation units. when they were in the less restricted unit, they beat up an inmate. >> they brought a new guy into the unit, and it happened to be an enemy, and sean came and punched him in the face. >> as it happens, the brother of one of the people that jumped him perhaps three weeks ago came into that unit, and they fought each other.
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>> it all stemsfrom they got us, and now we got to get them. it's retaliation. you know what i mean? it goes back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. you know what i mean? it's never ending. nothing like a peach tree or nothing like that. coming up, bloodworth goes off. and two brothers deal with the common enemy. >> when we were getting high, all we could think about was the next high. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ look at that car, well, it goes fast ♪ ♪ givin' my dad a heart attack ♪ [ friend ] that is so awesome. ♪ i love my car [ engine revving ] [ male announcer ] that first chevy, yea,
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it gets under your skin. ♪
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for many jail inmates, their stay behind bars can be relatively short and often their
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first visit is their last. for others, like 24-year-old nick, back-to-back arrests have led to a revolving door relationship at boston's suffolk county jail. >> the stays in here getting longer, the street getting shorter. i was in here three and a half months, out eight days, now in here two months. eight days. most of my record is armed robberies, unarmed robberies, i would use whatever from a rock to a knife to whatever. whatever was available at that point in time. >> how do you someone with a rock? >> you hit someone with it really hard. and you take what's in their pockets.
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>> most of his robberies have been to support his drug habit. now, he's back in on an assault and battery charge to which he's pled not guilty. the alleged victim is his girlfriend. >> they're saying i assaulted my girlfriend at the time. she got arrested with me. she said didn't assault her. i don't know, pretty much they knew we were in a high drug zones, they want us to cooperate to help get the bigger fish, let the little fish go away. we wouldn't, so they arrested us. >> 10s. that's ten more. what's the name of this game? oh, my god. you're horrible. >> in jail, bubanas found comfort in passing time with a familiar face from home, his older half brother, ryan. >> this place sucks. >> tell me about it.
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>> i'm tired of [ bleep ]. you know what i mean? >> yep. >> similar story to mine. just he's ten years older and i'm better looking. like my girls, in 2s. asking him who's winning. >> let you know at the end of the game. >> 34-year-old ryan has been coming to jail since bubanas was as child. being locked up together has made his stay a little easier. >> to see him in here hurts, you know, but at the same time, it's nice to have people around that genuinely care about you, that you know they got your back if something happens. it's good. funny kid. keeps me laughing all day long. same routine almost 20 years. my grandmother used to call it life on the installment plan. ryan, unfortunately you're going to be doing life on the installment plan is what she used to say to me. i used to hate her say that to me.
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i would say, no, i'm not. i'm doing life on the installment plan. >> this time, mcnee racked up eight charges, including possession of a firearm, assault and battery and unarmed robbery. he's pled not guilty to all charges and is awaiting trial. >> hey, do me favor, clean the tables and come by and give me some hot water, all right? >> though he takes some friendly taunting from his brother, mcnee earns a dollar a day working as a runner. >> basically there is four of us, we serve food, trays, pass out uniforms, pretty much whatever we're asked to do we do around here. >> the job lets mcnee spend more time out of his cell which provides another benefit. better access to coffee.
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>> coffee in a place like this, if you're like me, it's very important. got to have my coffee. first thing on the list, coffee. nothing else to do but sit around work, play cards, drink coffee. >> he does about, i'd say, eight to ten cups a day. tough habit to keep up with, the coffee habit. >> but on the outside, mcnee and his brother share far more dangerous addictions. >> on average day, i could spend anywhere from $300, $500 to $1,000 a day. >> on what? >> heroin, cocaine. i lived the life of an addict to the fullest and i'm embarrassed by it. >> drugs have had a hold on mcnee and bubanas since a young age and played a major role in their troubles with the law. >> when we're out there getting high, all we're thinking business the next high. scheming, plotting. what we'll do, how we're going do this, how we'll get that one. >> i'm like jekyll and hyde when
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i'm using when i'm not using hfl you put something in my system, i'm a different person. i'm not a good person. i'm selfish. >> when we're in here and sober, we're not under the influence of any type of drugs, we're talking about our families, you know how we got do things different. more productive. it's just a healthier relationship, you know? >> he's young. he don't have to keep crashing into the same wall i've been crashing into for the past 20 years. you know? obviously i'm not a good example for him, because there's three of us. my other brother graduated college, already in his third year of law school. he chose to follow me and i
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don't like that. always wanted to be just like me. so, i'm not very proud of that obviously. he's a good kid, though. here you go, kid. i don't know if you heard, but i don't do deliveries no more. >> keep the change, man. >> bubanas could have his next chance on the outside very soon. he's due in court in two days to face the judge on his assault and battery charge but he's optimistic the case will by thrown out because his girlfriend is unwilling to testify against him. >> i hope for the best and expect the worst. you know? >> expecting the worst is key to security in the segregation unit. >> both these guys coming. >> yeah. >> for instance when delshaun bloodworth and david peters are released from the cell for the one hour of daily recreation, they are not only handcuffed, but shackled at the ankles. >> have to be, because they're such a threat to fight. and it's just, for their safety
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and for ours. >> you guys feeling like a real criminal here. >> yo. hi, hi, hi. >> but even shackles can't totally stop violence. within minutes of their release, as peters talks on the phone, bloodworth attacks another inmate. >> break it up. break it up. >> within seconds, deputies have broken up the fight. >> [ bleep ]. get back. >> put this down. we're good. it's over now. central control, we have two restrained --
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>> you thought it was over, huh? you thought it was over? you a bitch. straight white gal. straight white [ bleep ]. >> bloodworth claims the other inmate called him a derogatory name. >> called me a bitch. you call me a bitch, that's automatic wipedown. >> after bloodworth and the other inmate who declined to speak with us, are separated and placed back in their cells jail officials will determine what disciplinary action will be handed down. >> what did you do? >> crack him with the cuffs, you know what i mean? the cuffs start people fighting, actually worse than physical fighting with your hands and fists. you know what i mean? people get -- i won't be surprised if he's leaking right now. pretty sure they sent his ass to
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the infirmary. i know. >> delshaun bloodworth faces new consequences for fighting. >> 14 long days. >> it is long days. >> what would do you if someone called you a bitch? >> brothers prepare to say good-bye.
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yo. [ bleep ] the [ bleep ]. i'm the ice cream man, 20 bills for a lick you can catch me on a strip with that dangle on my hip, long street, be my team, my aim is real sick and don't blasting that kid, what up, yo. >> for childhood friends delshaun bloodworth and david peters, sharing a cell at boston's suffolk county jail has helped make the time go by a little bit easier. but after bloodworth attacked another inmate, they're going to
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be on their own for a while. bloodworth was found to have instigated the fight and was issued a disciplinary report. >> they call it d-reports, you know what i mean? at approximately 1:45 p.m., detainees bloodworth, delshaun, me and my inmate number and [ bleep ] and [ bleep ], whoever he is, were exchanging blows by the phone bank in the 61 unit. we weren't exchanging units. more like me blowing to his face. >> he's been put in a one-person cell. his time in segregation increased in 14 days. the only time out of the cell will be for a shower. >> i don't come out for rec at all. shower status, every day. i can't get it shaking on nobody because i'm on shower status. >> meaning you can't fight again?
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>> if that's how you want to put it, that's my little slang, my little lingo, but yeah, so all day, miss, you know. doing the same old, same old. and when it come to sleep people say you can sleep throughout the day. sleep all day. you can't do that because you'll be up all night. >> deputy stangle who helps run the segregation unit handed down the sanctions against bloodworth after a brief hearing with him. bloodworth has asked to speak to stangle. >> 14 long days. >> it is 14 long days. >> what would do you if someone called you a bitch? >> i would go to the unit officer and tell him what is going on. >> no, you wouldn't. that's a lie. it's a respect thing. >> i wouldn't swing first. that's what i would not do. >> wouldn't swing first? so, what would you do? >> it's not up to me what i would do. it's a per case thing, it's what you chose do that matters. you chose to fight. >> i don't take no -- >> i know, it's a difficult
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thing. no shorts, bang first, questions later. >> you know how it goes. >> i know. >> you know what hoods get along, you got the whole system down pat. >> i don't have the whole system down pat. maybe 90%. >> 90%. >> yeah, man. >> hang on one second. go, sir. >> i want to be a c.o. when i leave here. i'll get paid a lot of money. coming up, nick bubanas leaves for a court date that will determine his future. >> chips definitely stacked against me. i want to change, i want to do something different. it's just tough. a new problem for david peters. >> you guys not start this fight? but you guys did finish it. ♪
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the jury in the casey anthony murder trial faces a second day of deliberations
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today. jurors must decide if casey anthony killed her daughter, caylee. and the crew of the shuttle "atlantis"s arrived at the space center today. and then a fifth straight year, chestnut downed 62 dogs to win. now back to "lockup." like many of the 2400 inmates in boston's suffolk county jail, nick bubanas admits his life hasn't been as successful as he once hoped for but he thinks he may have discovered one of life's secrets. >> for girls you go to the left,
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guys -- if you want a boy you go to the right. that's how you make babies. left girls, right, boys. >> bubanas' 4-month-old daughter was born just before he came to jail. >> i was in the room. the most beautiful disgusting thing i've ever seen in my life, i think. when she came out, i cut the cord. my kid's mother held her first. and they passed her to me and it's weird how something -- how you can just meet somebody and already instantly have love for them. a love that you can't describe. would you do anything for them. and that's my motivation right now to get out and try to do the right thing for her. hopefully it works this time. hopefully do i something different. she deserves it. she needs her parents in her life, you know? >> today, bubanas is on his way to court where he hopes charges
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of assault and battery will be dropped because the alleged victim, his girlfriend, refuses to testify against him. bubanas' older brother ryan mcnee has mixed feelings about the day. >> nick gets out today sad to see him go but i want to see him on the street than here. don't like to see the kid in jail. >> try to call you tonight, all right? >> good luck. >> you good? >> right. >> stay safe. >> i'm worried about him because he's living the same kind of lifestyle i live now. he runs around the same way i do. and i don't know what his situation's going to be when leaves, i don't know if he's got a place to go. if he don't have a place go he's going to do what he knows how to do and will end up using and probably end up back here before i leave. you never know what -- going out there to relapse in a few days and be back here within a few months? it's the unknown.
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you know what i mean? the probability of me going and returning to society doing the same thing i've always done is high, you know what i mean? the chips are definitely stacked against me. i want to change. i want to do something different. sometimes it's just tough. you know? >> a few hours later bubanas would have his chance for a fresh start. his charges were dismissed in court and he was set free. when the news reached ryan, he had some words of advice for his younger brother. >> nicholas, i wish you the best of luck. go out there and do the right thing. don't make the same mistake we always made. go home, go to uncle bernie's
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house, see your kid. don't be too anxious to get back here because you know what you'll get if you come back here. you know, do something for yourself. i love you, kid. that's it. the 700 people we have currently in this facility is roughly 75 or 80 that are constantly in trouble, constant rotation, fight, segregation, fight. constant loop. david peters falls into that category. >> after serving 30 days in segregation for fighting alongside his good friend dull shaun bloodworth, david peters was given another chance to live on a general population unit. it didn't last long. he joined four others in assaulting another inmate on the
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unit. and is now back in segregation. but he says the other guy is the one who started it. >> i guess he had an issue with one of my friends. he thought that the best way to handle it would be to try and swing on my friend. so, when we all seen that, we all reacted. first thing that we did, threw him on the floor, flipped him, started stomping his head into the tiles. we only could do so much because we're all in the way. i'm trying to kick him but my man is right there. trying to hit him. it's all, all crazy. it was crazy. yeah. he caught the worst end of it. >> hey, guys. >> deputy stangle will decide how many days peters must serve in segregation. >> you guys messed up yourselves the way we look at it. that was a one on one between that man and lewis. >> you know.
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>> i know. you guys all join in because you all play as a group. >> yeah. yeah. you already know. >> i know, i know. problem is we don't like groups. groups are bad. groups get people hurt. groups get people charged with assault and battery with in the facility. >> yeah, yeah. can't afford no more. >> you can't. >> i been here five months, i think i got in six fights, been in the hole six times. i mean, you got to fight. it happens. it's just instinct, you react. so, this is basically what happens. you hit me, i hit you back. you think about it after in the hole, you sitting there like damn. >> along with determining how many days peters must serve in segregation, deputy stengle must decide where to place him after the stay in segregation. >> he came into the building with issues and since being here picked up issues in the building that make it very difficult for us to house him here. you guys not start this fight but did you finish it. especially -- all right?
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so, what are we going to do with you? i can't guarantee it. it's not my end of the business. i do this end, this seg unit before i don't recommend that you go back to 24. >> peters has had major conflicts with at least five other inmates and the jail tries to separate likely combatants. >> that makes five units i can't put david peters on, considering i have 11 units it makes him difficult to house. >> i'm probably a headache to stangle. i get into fights. these people, these people, he don't know where to put me. everywhere i go, i'm gone. i'm going to cause somebody a headache. i'm going to start something. >> see that's the thing, i don't want to put my man in a situation where he's going to go somewhere else. >> very much like a soap opera,
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a lot of silly drama. you keep track the best you can. they do the time, go back to another general population unit. sometimes they make it, sometimes they don't. they come back here and i'm left pick up the pieces. >> stangle is on top of his game. he tries his best to -- who got problems with who, but, no way you can pinpoint everything. he's all right though. he's all right. end of the day we do get out of here, you know, i don't like -- >> coming up, delshaun bloodworth's life at the suffolk county jail makes a major detail. and ryan mcnee gets news from his brother. >> he's doing what he does, problem before i leave here he might be back here. who knows? then i tried this.
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boston's suffolk county jail is comprised of two facilities. the house of correction, for inmates whose have been convicted, and the nashua street jail for detainees awaiting trial. for the past ten months, delshaun bloodworth has been incarcerated at nashua. awaiting trial on charges of armed robbery and assault and battery but now he's about to make the move to the house. he's accepted a plea bargain and has been sentenced to two and a half years.
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>> the judge said this is a gift to me and i should appreciate it because i could have easily got more time. people don't know, armed robbery is a serious, serious charge. so i gladly took it. >> but the plea deal, he admitted his role in the robbery of a woman in downtown boston. >> we roll up behind her and i told her not to yell. people like to yell and then we run off, no, she didn't yell because i told her not to. she might have if didn't said anything or if she didn't see the gun. but told her to give me everything you got. give me everything. i want everything. i don't want just your money, i want everything. >> did you say anything to the person that you robbed? >> i would tell her, welcome to life. it's a cold world. if that wasn't you, it would be the next person. nothing personal. as we all know, just business. >> bloodworth will remain incarcerated but is about to see a major change. along with a group of other
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recently convicted inmates he's just made the four-mile drive to the house of correction. cuffed arm in arm the men have been put back in their street clothes but only to start the intake process all over again. >> all right. >> around that way. >> his bravado won't last for long. through each step of the intake process, bloodworth relives the night he was arrested. >> definitely not nashua. >> stand up straight. some information. u.s. citizen? >> i am. >> veteran? >> no, i'm not. >> all right. are -- 62288 -- >> boston? >> born and raised. >> any other names you go by? >> nope. >> take the glasses off. turn sideways, face the wall.
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all right. face front. >> standard protocol dictates inmates be strip searched and every cavity searched for possible contraband. but for bloodworth that is not the most embarrassing part. >> false teeth or dentures? take them off. >> [ bleep ]. >> open your mouth. put them back in. >> why are you so upset to have to remove your teeth? >> i'm 22 years old, i shouldn't have no dentures. like any normal 22-year-old going to be a little embarrassed about that. see if i was 55 or something. >> just as he was at the nashua street jail bloodworth is housed
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in the segregation unit in the house of correction. >> get down on your knees, chest over the bed. >> i'll try to stay out of trouble but if someone approaches me then i'll have to handle my bi, my biz, abrave nation for business, know what i mean? >> high tech here, too. you got the little touch light right there. i like that. i like that. ♪ >> ryan mcnee has been holding out hope that his brother, nick bubanas could get back to a normal life following his recent release. but after getting word from home, he's not too optimistic. >> i heard from nick about a month ago, i called him when he was at my uncle's house. he's doing what he does. he picked up, he was using, doing his thing. i haven't really heard from him
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in a month. it is what it is. it's what he does. nothing i can say or do will change it. if i was out there i would probably be in the same position. i don't listen to nobody either. probably before i leave here he might be back here, who knows? >> mcnee is awaiting trial and if found not guilty, he could have his own chance at a life on the outside. like his brother, he will have to about thele his drug addiction to avoid coming back to jail. >> i look in that mirror now, my hair is going gray, i'm getting old. i'm starting to feel the affects
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of the aging process, you know? my life's just -- i don't know where the past 20 years went. just went by like that. gone. when you're an addict, it don't matter where you go, no matter where you go, there you are, you're bringing same person with the same problem. you get the same addictive behaviors, it don't matter where you are. coming up -- it's not something i would want to get hit in the head with. >> deputies confiscate a dangerous weapon from none other than delshaun bloodworth. embrag the cloud-- big clouds, small ones, public, private, even hybrid. your data and apps must move easily and securely to reach many clouds, not just one. that's why the network that connects, protects, and lets your data move fearlessly through the clouds means more than ever.
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inside boston's suffolk county jail, officers are always on the lookout for weapons or other threats to safety. >> these units are very large, can range from 30, 40, up to
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200 inmates. and sometimes one, two, maybe if you're lucky three officer per unit. an officer having to worry about 180 people possessing weapons on a daily basis. important for them to be on their toes to be on the lookout for suspicious activity. >> what makes this significant, obviously, it's a sock. but in the sock he had five double aa batteries. and these double aa batteries are something he can order for his walkman radio through his canteen and he chose to use the batteries in a method that they're not designed do. he would drop them in his sock, tie the sock, now you have an instant weapon. sometimes they spin it or just drop it. would have it in their hand, drop it down, bam.
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that's not something i would want to get hit in the head with. >> jail officials tied this weapon to one of the newest inmates to arrive at the house. delshaun bloodworth. >> i didn't believe i would get caught with the battery in the sock. so -- >> it was tied back to mr. bloodworth due to video footage, video footage in the unit captured the object falling out of his pants and they were able to issue a disciplinary report of being in possession of a weapon. >> in my jumpsuit, my one piece, somehow slid through my pants legs. a superintendent, he's like what the hell is this? i'm like, i'm like oh, [ bleep ]. my heart started beating fast. they accused me of premeditating fighting. they thought i was going to move on someone with the bat there is the sock. that's not case. >> he said he's caught in the cycle of unsettled disputes from the streets.
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>> it's where i'm from. it's wroo i am from know what i mean? i have beef. people inherit money from their family, my older mans, generation before me they had beef with the people i have beef with. i get into a little confrontation with somebody, move on him, he move on me go back and for the. so, you know, i just want to live a normal life. you know what i mean? >> but even a normal life in jail could be a long way off. bloodworth has received another ten days in segregation for the weapon. and has been warned that if he continues to violate the rules he could spend the remainder of his two and a half years in segregation. he says he already feels the impact. >> i already feel myself changing. i'm different.
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i am. worse. [ bleep ] make you or break you, you hear it a million times but it's true. all we do is get bigger and more ignorant. you lock somebody in the cell for 23 hours what you think will happen? he ain't going to get nicer, he's not going to get more polite, he's going to rebel. he's going to act out. because you know, this is real [ bleep ] right here. this is real [ bleep ]. >> bloodworth's former cellmate and childhood friend, david peters, has had some of his own troubles lately. he received 30 days in segregation for his involvement in a five-on-one fight. now he's back in general population again. but the transfer came with a warning. >> they told me if i get in any more fight, i'll stay in the hole for the remainder of my stay or be shipped out. fight's happen. this is jail. a bunch of man in one
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institution, no females, no nothing, what do you think is going to happen? [ bleep ], only so much you could do. i mean, nothing on tv. your bitch acted funny on the phone. what is there left to do? hit the [ bleep ] close to you. that's what happens in jail. you know? >> still awaiting trial on several charges, including possession of a firearm and assault and battery on a police officer, peters takes the long view when it comes to his future. >> i don't want to waste my life. that comes with the game. it's like it's time-out. you on bench right now. this is all game. i'm on the bench, i'm not in the game. but my time will be up, coach put me back in the game and time to get back out there. you know? >> now the closest peters gets to the game on the outside is receiving mail on the inside. >> this is my baby's mother and this is straight hate mail.
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i won't even read this. yeah. >> is there anything about your son in there? >> no, this is about some [ bleep ] i did on the streets. i mean, it ain't nothing to move me too much. it don't bother me. if they're that mad you want to sit down and take 15, 20 minutes out your day to write me, obviously you thinking about me. so i'm not forgotten. as long as i'm not forgotten, i'm cool. that's when you get no mail at all, you know the person moved on and forgot. i don't want to be forgotten.